Getting started is the hardest part...

Ok, so it's not without some anxiety that I start this blog, but here goes. Firstly, thank you to all of you in the ttwd blogoshere, you have been immensley helpful to me and my husband.

I guess I'll start at the beginning. Ever since I was a child, I got a strange "thrill" anytime "spanking" was brought up. In preschool, I even tried to get my friend to play a "spanking game" with me. I remember to this day she how she looked at me like I was insane and ran away to play with dolls (or something normal children) played with. I then realized that "normal" kids might not understand this type of game, and kept my mouth shut. I share this because I belive that God made me this way, and I have always been this way, and it's nothing to be ashamed of (thought I admit I'm not going to proclaim is trom the streets). 

Anyway, fast forward to present day me. My husband and I have been married 4 years and have had a fairly normal relationship, though not without it's ups and downs. Our sex life was ok, but nothing like at the very beginning of our relationship. A few months ago, something inside of me "woke up." I had been on a fairly heavy dose of hormones (the pill) since I was a teen to control horrible periods. I did a little research and some things I had been experiencing on and off for a few years were side effects from the medication. I decided to try going off of it. I am sooo glad I did! My sex drive came back, weight fell off, my ankles quit swelling, and did I say my sex drive came back!?! I was like, O ya, I remember all of this! I'm me again! My husband, B,  was a little shocked, but is loving the turnaround.

With my regained sex drive, came some other feelings that I had forgotten about. I googled "spanking" and found a host of sites, one of which being Taken in Hand. Those articles made so much sense to me, I had no idea there were other people out there like me.

B has always been a sweet guy, pretty easygoing, sarcastic (which I love), and he just gets me. As the youngest in his family, though, he never was very dominant. We would have the same arguments all the time: "What do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you want do?" "I dunno".....and on and on. It made me crazy ans I had no idea why. He was just trying to make me happy, and all I wanted was for him to man-up and make a decision. Of course, I didn't realize that at the time and he just thought I was being crazy, and I thought he was being a jerk, so we would huff at each other and get into a full blown fight of what freaking movie to see or whatever.

I was a little shy to talk to B about all of this, as it is definitely not mainstream, and can sound a little crazy..."wait, you want me to WHAT?" I was an emotional wreck and he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something, but I just couldn't get it out. Finally, it came out, in fragmented pieces. He looked at me like I was a little crazy and didn't want to talk anymore. I was worried that I blew it, but every once and a while he would bring it up, just for a second, and we even tried it in bed, the fun kind, that is.

Since then, we have been moving forward, albeit slowly. He is experimenting and figuring this whole thing out, as am I, but it's hard to be patient sometimes. Last night I was coming unravelled and he could tell. He let me talk about how I felt alone and that he thought I was nuts before finally looking at me and saying, "Babe, if I didn't love everything about you I wouldn't be here. I love you and I love spanking you." That shut me up and made me feel so much better. He does get me. And we are in it for the long haul. He has even made a few rules. :)