I'm back!!

Hello all!

Well, after several months off of here, I have decided to return! Things have been really busy in our lives and I got a little paranoid about accidentally linking my other blogs and email to this blog somehow (which actually did happen once, thought I discovered it very quickly).

I have been reading the 50 Shades of Grey series and it has greatly helped my confidence in this area of my life. I told my husband, "See!! I'm not weird!!" He laughed at how excited I was. The fact that the book is so mainstream, and so kinky, is very encouraging to me. I'm toying with the idea of starting to write some fiction, but we'll see how that goes. Here's a hilarious video of Ellen "reading" an excerpt of the book.

Have you guys read the book? If so, please share your opinions with me. I'm only on book 2 though, so don't spoil anything! :)

I'm very excited to get back in the swing of sharing with you guys after my hiatus. This community has been a major form of support for me.

Testing 123

Well, I got my 1st serious spanking yesterday. Sunday is B's only day off, so we went to see a movie and get some dinner. We are low on cash right now, as we just made a huge move and haven't been paid for nearly a month. This stresses me out, and in turn makes me grouchy. We definitely needed a fun day out though, and caught the matinee on a funny movie (Horrible Bosses, which was funny, crude, but funnuy).

I was a little snippy before the movie, making comments like, "This better be a good deal," "$4 for a soda, that's ridiculous!," etc., which majorly annoys B. I calmed down a little in the movie (well, what could I say? the movie was playing, lol). Anyway, when we left the theater and went to the restaurant, the first thing outta my mouth, was "Gawd, look at these prices!" I then got the "look." I haven't seen this "look" too often (or maybe I've just always ignored it). He follows up the look with, "You know how much I HATE it when you do this." heeehee, ya, oops?  I tried to back track a little and we had an ok dinner and an ok ride home, but I was a little crabby still and he was kinda fed up, but still trying to be nice. He hasn't figured out that he can threaten me and I'll snap out of it if I know he's serious.

We got back home and I decided to lie down for a while. He laid down with me, but I was pouting and wouldn't look at him and being a brat in general. I really was feeling badly (hormones don't help), but I also think I was seeing how far I could push him. Well I found out. Finally, he reached over and pulls out our riding crop (which I don't think I'll ever use on a horse again!). He pushed me over on my belly and began smacking my behind, slowly, at first, but increasing in strength and speed. I then made a commen about how he was a "lazy spanker" as he was half lying in bed while accosting my behind. Ya, that probably was not the best thing to say. He got up and start in with much more vigor. "Lazy spanker?! O really?!" Yeouch!! I was squirming and trying to roll away, "OK OK my bad, it was a joke!" He then stopped, waked away, and made a sandwich, seriously. "You're in time out now," Umm what? Where did THAT come from. "What, you're already DONE?" I snipped back, but I dared not move. After he was done eating, he walked back in to the bedroom and grabbed the belt off its hook. O. Dear. He moved me back into position and started in, rather hard. It was the first time I even started to get close to tears. I wondered how long it was last. After a few dozen lashes, he simply stated, "OK that's enough," and left for a few minutes. I was glad to have some time to absorb what happened, and get my brain around it.

When he came back, my attitude had greatly improved, and we snuggled and chatted for a while. But no sex, which is a first for us. He told me that there wouldn't always be sex after, but that he loved me. I am ok with that. I felt this session much longer than I have ever felt one, and I am still sore today, but it is a good sore, and helps me remember that he does love me and care about me.

Getting started is the hardest part...

Ok, so it's not without some anxiety that I start this blog, but here goes. Firstly, thank you to all of you in the ttwd blogoshere, you have been immensley helpful to me and my husband.

I guess I'll start at the beginning. Ever since I was a child, I got a strange "thrill" anytime "spanking" was brought up. In preschool, I even tried to get my friend to play a "spanking game" with me. I remember to this day she how she looked at me like I was insane and ran away to play with dolls (or something normal children) played with. I then realized that "normal" kids might not understand this type of game, and kept my mouth shut. I share this because I belive that God made me this way, and I have always been this way, and it's nothing to be ashamed of (thought I admit I'm not going to proclaim is trom the streets). 

Anyway, fast forward to present day me. My husband and I have been married 4 years and have had a fairly normal relationship, though not without it's ups and downs. Our sex life was ok, but nothing like at the very beginning of our relationship. A few months ago, something inside of me "woke up." I had been on a fairly heavy dose of hormones (the pill) since I was a teen to control horrible periods. I did a little research and some things I had been experiencing on and off for a few years were side effects from the medication. I decided to try going off of it. I am sooo glad I did! My sex drive came back, weight fell off, my ankles quit swelling, and did I say my sex drive came back!?! I was like, O ya, I remember all of this! I'm me again! My husband, B,  was a little shocked, but is loving the turnaround.

With my regained sex drive, came some other feelings that I had forgotten about. I googled "spanking" and found a host of sites, one of which being Taken in Hand. Those articles made so much sense to me, I had no idea there were other people out there like me.

B has always been a sweet guy, pretty easygoing, sarcastic (which I love), and he just gets me. As the youngest in his family, though, he never was very dominant. We would have the same arguments all the time: "What do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you want do?" "I dunno".....and on and on. It made me crazy ans I had no idea why. He was just trying to make me happy, and all I wanted was for him to man-up and make a decision. Of course, I didn't realize that at the time and he just thought I was being crazy, and I thought he was being a jerk, so we would huff at each other and get into a full blown fight of what freaking movie to see or whatever.

I was a little shy to talk to B about all of this, as it is definitely not mainstream, and can sound a little crazy..."wait, you want me to WHAT?" I was an emotional wreck and he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something, but I just couldn't get it out. Finally, it came out, in fragmented pieces. He looked at me like I was a little crazy and didn't want to talk anymore. I was worried that I blew it, but every once and a while he would bring it up, just for a second, and we even tried it in bed, the fun kind, that is.

Since then, we have been moving forward, albeit slowly. He is experimenting and figuring this whole thing out, as am I, but it's hard to be patient sometimes. Last night I was coming unravelled and he could tell. He let me talk about how I felt alone and that he thought I was nuts before finally looking at me and saying, "Babe, if I didn't love everything about you I wouldn't be here. I love you and I love spanking you." That shut me up and made me feel so much better. He does get me. And we are in it for the long haul. He has even made a few rules. :)